I have been telling my students for over ten years that we need to live more on our “edge” as we get older. I say this because I have observed many older adults who seem to be sort of “coasting” – settling back, doing what is easy, doing what is fun – instead of challenging themselves, pushing their boundaries, and engaging mindfully with the world around them. I would personally find it very difficult to just coast along knowing that I only have a limited number of coherent years remaining – but others apparently can. I often wonder why this is the case.

One reason could be that older people have been motivated by others to do things their entire lives – build a career, raise a family, participate in community service, and so forth. In the first two thirds of life, we don’t really question these things we do, because everyone else (it seems) is doing the same thing. The pressure is to fit in and do what others do, because “how could so many people be wrong?”

When we think of “Ageism” in America, we most often think of the negative prejudices our society holds against its most aged members: physical and mental deterioration, uselessness, non-productivity, a drain on society’s resources, and the list goes on and on. However, ageism also holds some seemingly benign assumptions about growing older, one of which goes something like this: “Retirement and old age is a time to kick back, relax, enjoy, savor, and do as little as you can get away with.” Due to a lack of any other strong messages out there, this seems like the right thing for many people to do when they retire. Many people also travel quite a bit, spend time with family, volunteer, go to OLLI, exercise, have a hobby, etc. – but these activities are also condoned by our society, and none of them require that the person be on their edge. In fact, these activities are well within the comfort zone of most individuals. People might be active as they age, but they are not necessarily on their edge.

Living on the Edge and Personal Development

Living within your comfort zone is not a bad thing, it just won’t lead to much growth or development. When we associate with the same people, do the same activities, interact with others in the same ways – we are rarely challenged, and there is no felt need for improvement. Everything is fine the way it is, and we are fine the way we are. And, if you associate with a like-minded group of people, there will be a collective feeling that we are all fine the way we are because there is no one of importance within the group who is rocking the boat. Fitting in has some wonderful advantages, but leading a daring, meaningful, and exciting life of self-actualization isn’t one of them.

I think a major reason why people tend to support this view of trying to live a “comfortable” lifestyle after they retire is because there has not been an acceptable alternative presented to our society’s aging population until now. I believe that dynamic aging is that alternative, and being on one’s “edge” a good deal of the time is a very important and visible quality of someone who is aging dynamically – and for good reason.

How does living on your edge contribute to the dynamic aging process? First of all, being on one’s edge – or “dynamic instability” – is a necessary condition for personal development. In other words, someone who is trying to maximize the amount of personal development in their lives will frequently be on the edge of their comfort zone, capabilities, skill levels, emotional and cognitive tolerance, self-imposed restrictions, deep seated fears, capacity to hear feedback; and their ability to be authentic, love their self and others, be mindful in everything they do, and interact with others in a meaningful and honest manner. It is a condition of being “on” – mindful, self-aware, inquiring, exploring, fearless, attuned – but also knowing when to back “off “ to take care of yourself, re-charge your batteries, and chillax (a combination of the words “chill out” and “relax” that my niece taught me).

I find myself on my personal edge a lot lately. There has been a lot of going out and meeting with new people who might partner with me in the DAP, giving presentations on the material, dealing with the bureaucracy at Furman and OLLI, learning a completely new teaching style, and trying to “walk the talk” by doing the practices and interacting mindfully with everyone and everything I encounter. Being an introvert, most of these things are out of my natural comfort zone, but instead of being stressed out, wrung out, or worn out – I am energized by all this interaction, and experiencing new growth and development every day.

This experience has been just the opposite of what I might have previously believed. Instead of feeling drained at the end of the day, or afraid of standing before an audience and talking about my ideas, I am completely invigorated by these experiences. There is clearly an increased energy generated by my interactions, and I can almost feel the growth of new neurons and synaptic pathways in my brain due to all the new things I am doing, and people I am meeting.

Also, through this meaningful engagement with my environment, I have been forced to learn a lot more about computers, websites, social media, and technology in general. I have been forced to change my teaching style to become more interactive and experiential. I am being pushed to make personal changes that will allow me to interact more effectively with other people, deal with higher stress levels, teach more effectively, and behave consistent with the subject matter I espouse. By engaging meaningfully with my environment, I am forced to keep up with the changes occurring in the world around me – and by so doing, I can become a better promoter of my ideas on dynamic aging, and positively affect more older adults through my interactions.

Living on your Edge Promotes Personal Development in Two Ways

You see, when you are on your edge and engaging meaningfully with your environment, you are creating growth and personal development in two ways. First of all, the increased interaction with new people, ideas, ways of doing things, etc. will result in the discovery of more inconsistencies between our self-perception and how other people view us. We will also have the opportunity to see that many of our opinions and ideas are flawed or out of date, and in need of change. Perhaps even our deepest beliefs will be challenged and undergo a modification that wouldn’t otherwise happen. Interaction naturally creates more learning opportunities, and our personal development is a lifelong learning process that embraces and capitalizes on these opportunities.

The second way engaging meaningfully with our environment causes development is the need to learn new qualities and skills created by having an external meaning and purpose. To achieve this meaning and purpose I must keep up with all the changes going on in the world that affect the achievement of my potential. In my case, this has been technology, teaching methods, emotional and social skills, certain qualities of personality such as acceptance, patience, compassion, empathy, and others. I have to develop these qualities and skills or else I will not be able to effectively communicate my ideas to the world. And, I will not be able to compete with people who are more adept in these areas than I, even though they might have lesser ideas. If we want to make a significant contribution during our remaining life, we cannot dis-engage from our rapidly changing world. We must instead keep up with those changes that can give us an advantage with what we are trying to accomplish.

The dynamic instability created by having an external meaning and purpose in your life, and engaging mindfully with the world as a means of achieving this meaning and purpose, will produce more personal development, higher energy levels, and generate more new brain cells and synaptic pathways, than any other thing we can do. And it is more stimulating, interesting, and exciting than hanging around with the same people and doing the same things, day in and day out. There is no way a person can lose following this strategy, even though it might seem so at first. All it takes is a mindshift, the motivation to start hanging out on your edge more often, a little persistence to create a new habit, and then the rewards of being on your edge will ultimately make this process self-perpetuating. You will be having so much fun, there is no way you could go back to living solely within your comfort zone.

Regards, Dudley